i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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