seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
