There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
