I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize