i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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