She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
