So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
