i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
