where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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