I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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