it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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