i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
