We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
