then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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