is your mom at the bar?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
