ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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