he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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