My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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