Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
