At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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