great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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