Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
