I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
