so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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