Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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