she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
