you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
