i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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