I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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