you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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