just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
