No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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