Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
