I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
