Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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