good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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