you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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