he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
