Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
