Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
