I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
