I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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