I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She's the barista slut.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
