So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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