If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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