Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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