Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm like, not good at living.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
