Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
