I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
