oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
