I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
