his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your penis caused this!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
