you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
