i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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