my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
