God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
