Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
