Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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