I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Bring me that man meat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
