can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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