i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize