my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
