it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
