Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
