doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
