so that wasnt chicken after all
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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