I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I cut my penus on the lid.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His nipple licking is glorious
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