So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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