I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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