Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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