So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
