Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i think im in europe. pls send help
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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