i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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