Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
